Tell them how much they mean to you. Give them a gentle touch, a smile, a loving word. Love is important for healthy development. Research shows that teens who feel close to their parents are more likely to make good decisions about sex, drugs, drinking, cigarettes, and violence. The strong bond that you have with your young adults gives them confidence to go out into the world and succeed.

Love them even when they push you away.
Adolescence is also a time when young adults are pushing for more freedom. Sometimes it can feel like they are shutting you out. Be patient. Don't forget to tell them how much they are loved.
If your teen argues with you, stay calm.
Try not to lose your temper. Stay on the subject. Explain your point of view and then stop. Don't yell. If you yell, they will yell back.
If you do lose your temper, apologize later.
It will show them that it's OK to make a mistake and apologize.
Don't frighten them with threats. Don't hit them.
It may crush their spirit. They may think anger and violence is the way to solve problems.
Teach respect to your teen.
Be respectful. Expect them to be respectful, too.
Never hold back love as punishment.
Young adults need to know they are loved, even when they make mistakes. Putting them down will make them feel badly about themselves. Then they will be more likely to make poor decisions.
Show love when you are happy, sad, and even when you're mad.
Teenagers can be moody and argue. Don't let them bait you into saying things you don't mean.
Keep a sense of humor.
But don't use sarcasm or mean teasing. It hurts their self-esteem.
Do not confuse love with giving into whatever they say they want.
Don't give in to them because you feel guilty.

Try Saying:	Instead of:
"I love you, it's your behavior I don't like."	"I'm sick of your always being irresponsible."
"I enjoy your company and want you to spend some time with me. "	"You spend too much time with your friends."
"You've given me your point of view and I've given you mine. I made the decision that I think is best for you because I love you."	"You'll do it because I said so."
"I love you and it hurts when you tell me you hate me. I can't accept that kind of talk from you."	"I hate you, too."

Be there for young adults. It can make a real difference.

More Resources:

Can We Talk
http://www.neahin.org/canwetalk/ index.html

Talking with Kids about Tough Issues
(partnership between Children Now and the Kaiser Family Foundation)
http://www.talkingwithkids.org/

National Institute of Child Health and Human Development. Research on Today's Issues. Strong School, Family Ties Protect Teens from Violence, Drugs, Suicide, and Early Sex. Issue #8. Page 1. August 1998.